If you want your whole life to completely change, have a baby.
My husband and I had been married 4 years before we had our son. We have a pretty solid marriage and great communication, but I was not prepared for the toll a new baby would take on us. It had just been us and our dog for so long. We had to learn a new us, with a baby boy that relied on us for everything.
The first few months were rough, sleep deprivation, a crying baby, a wife with PPD, and just trying to find balance and figure out how the heck to raise a baby can have it’s challenges. We both had our ideas how of to parent and they sometimes differed which caused some tension. I am a neurotic nancy and he’s a go with the flow no big deal kinda parent, so you can imagine the clashing. The one time he left my precious liquid gold on the counter, you couldn’t fathom the anger I felt as I poured it down the sink. There were definitely times we wanted to rip each others heads off and I thought how are we gonna make it. The next day, I got some sleep, had a shower, and all was good in the world.
There was no nurturing our relationship during this time period, it was all about our son. There was no more cuddling, watching a movie together, one of us was either showering, sleeping or holding the baby. What we both needed to realize that at this stage with a newborn, this was all NORMAL! I nothing to do with him, but that was more my PPD than anything, and he wanted affection. It just wasn’t happening. Our relationship was definitely tested, but like in “Tuesday’s with Morrie” love wins, love always wins. In time we found balance, and I got healthy mentally. We slowly got back to our new normal with our baby boy.
We definitely make sure we are getting in date night,because conversations are almost impossible when a 2 year old wants to be the center of attention and doesn’t let you talk. My husband still wants affection, and as he’s going in for a kiss Im ducking and weaving to get the dishes done. This is something I know I need to get better at, but when I have a few minutes free, I want the house clean lol. I need to put the energy into my husband and hire a cleaning lady, its a win-win! I know I should be grateful he is still leaning in for a kiss, I’m very fortunate.
Marriage is hard work, and now I see that more than ever. We need to set aside the time for each other to make sure we are growing together and not apart. The best part about us though, is we know this and we put the effort in. So if your in the thick of it, and wanting to rip your significant other’s head off, its completely normal. Get some rest, take a hot shower, and you will feel better! The beginning is the hardest, but the best is yet to come as you watch your little one grow together and build memories!