Did I fail him?

The other day my almost 3month old, Kashie had a consult with a pediatric oral surgeon aka speciality dentist. His pediatrician suspected he had both tongue tie and lip tie. Had I been able to nurse longer we probably would have been at this appointment sooner. These issues were probably what caused my engorgement issues in the beginning. However with bottle feeding, it wasn’t as noticeable.

Anyways, as we suspected he would have to have these issues lasered to detach them. He need a frenectomy and his tongue tie fixed. His upper part because of how it was attached was very red, raw and swollen. He was overcompensating when he was sucking to get the milk out. She said we could do the procedure today instead of coming back. I am a planner so this threw me for a loop but I had to go with it.
My husband wasn’t with me because we thought it was just a consult, but I called him to let him know what was going on. We had both agreed to get it taken care of as to not put Kash through any continued discomfort when he ate.

The staff at the facility was beyond wonderful. In fact, they are the only facility within CNY besides Albany that does this procedure. They explained everything to me thoroughly, and made sure I understood everything. It sounded simple and so I told my husband he didn’t need to leave work.
I cried when they took him back, naturally.

However, I wasn’t prepared for my in ability to hold it together when they gave him back to me. Babies can feel your emotions, I usually can stay calm in stressful situations. They handed him to me, and of course he was screaming. The problem is, you know different cries of your baby, this one I had never heard before. It shot through my body like a thousand knives and I lost it. I started balling my eyes out, and next thing I know they needed to take him because I was going to be sick and pass out.

In that moment I knew I failed as his mom. I was trying hard to pull it together but my emotions got the best of me. Did I make it worse for him? Could he feel my energy? Looking back, if I had a repeat it may have happened the same all over again. I’ll fail multiple times at this Mom thing, but I failed because of love, and I can accept that.

They were absolutely wonderful soothing my baby as well as tending to me and calming me down. A few minutes later I had my baby back in my arms and was snuggling him tight. It was so much worse for me than him, he was calm by the time they gave him back. He handled it like a champ and slept like a baby all the way home. He was a little sore that night but nothing crazy. We needed to do exercises in his mouth every 4 hours and he fussed a little but nothing too bad. By day 3 post op, he was happy as a clam and the stretches he laughed right thru!

This mom shit is no joke. These tiny humans take hold of your heart and your never the same. It was the simplest procedure but when it’s happening to the thing you love more than anything it seems like the worst thing ever! Kash is doing absolutely wonderful and is mouth is healing perfectly!

 

Xoxo
Casey

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